I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
