Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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