I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
