is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
