i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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