I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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