Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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