I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
