You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
