Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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