i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
