She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
