those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
