He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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