he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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