So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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