if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Randomize
