He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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