When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
