id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
