I must be too annoying 4 u.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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