Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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