These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
