So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
