i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
