there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
