it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
