i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
