soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
