just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
