I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
