I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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