just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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