Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
