i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
