eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
