My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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