I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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