The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
