I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
