This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
