So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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