Non-Jews are for practice
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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