Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
