You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
