People in love make me want to vomit
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
