ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
