i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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