I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
