Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Randomize
