Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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