Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
